How Can They Meet Us Face to Face?

I ended my first book with the words "no answer". I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice? Only words, words; to be led out to battle against other words.

That was, hands down, the most moving piece of literature I've ever consumed.

I feel embattled in my quest for God. I don't need that kind of guidance. The world unaided provides more than enough resistance along the path I've chosen. I appreciate good intentions for what they are, but mine isn't a journey bound by the logic of this world. In all mundane matters, my thirst for knowledge and the necessity to apply the full power of my mundane logic are married into one, but this matter, by its very nature, cannot be based in logic. When its foundation is laid, all manner of logic might flow forth from it, but the fact itself to which I have committed is in a plane separate and distinct from all human thought.

To that end, what is the virtue in pressing me to seek out "both sides" of an argument which does not exist? All the mind I have is set into that desire, and I am beginning to think our entire lives are dedicated to that purpose, but it seems to me dangerous to condescend anyone but a child or a fool by thrusting upon him that which he hasn't seen (or can't yet see) for himself. If the man has any passion for the matter, it can only serve to drive a wedge between him and his concerned benefactor; worse still, the lesson stands to be lost in translation.

Even still, I'm worried about what lies behind this. You urge me to look to both sides of the story told on Earth. Let that be my concern. If you agreed with me, would you still urge me to seek out the "truth"? We must presuppose Euclid or Aristotle or Newton or Einstein to have theorized correctly before we can delve into any number of our modern activities, and we do so regularly. Do you, then, urge me to look to both sides of these stories for truth? So why the passionate disposition in this matter? Yours is not a proselytizing ideology. What is the motivation for ensuring that I've heard both sides before I make any decisions? Given my choice, what do I stand to lose if I'm wrong? Even if your advice may indeed change my mind, to what end?

Again, I enjoy challenges to my philosophical, scientific, physical, and artistic endeavors. I often seek them out. My spiritual journey does not share a roof with any of these facets of life. They are mortal. This walk is difficult, almost impossible to bear at times. I will bear those burdens which God sees fit that I should endure, and no less, but neither do I seek any more.

These are my misgivings. I struggled to author them, and they are infantile and confused. They could be said to be addressed to the world at large, and in fact they are, but they are obviously more direct than that as well. I pray these words are well met where they fall, for they are only those. Words. I use them here to deliver human love to human ears. These words exist for that purpose. They fall short in communicating that which exists outside our nature. That is a conversation reserved for a time when all the experiences and the lessons life has to impart upon us have expired; that is to say, Till We Have Faces.

By the Bright, Shining Light of the Moon

We live in a beautiful world...

What's up, the internets? No excuses. Just been neglecting my blog. Really, it's been a conscious decision, not like I just forget or am too lazy. Any time I have enough free time to write in here, I realize that there's a lot of other things I want to do. Namely, read a book, work out, play a song, cook, clean, get ready for work, go to work, or sleep. That's right. My life has about 8 flavors right now. The beautiful part isn't in the selection.... it's in the intense depth of each one of those flavors. Quality over quantity, here. It's producing amazing results.

As far as reading goes, I've been slowed down recently by trying to get back in touch with a lot of my friends. I spent a month or so pretty well cut off from the world reading non-stop, and I knocked off a bunch of books, but I needed to talk to some people. I talked to one of my favorites tonight, and it was definitely soul food. I needed that more than anything at this point, even if it was only for a few minutes.

C.S. Lewis..... Always been my favorite author, and I never even knew why. The Chronicles of Narnia are obviously amazing, and even as a child I was aware that there was some degree of Christian metaphor in those pages, but you can't really appreciate the depth of his story-weaving until you've given his more "grown-up" works some serious thought. If I was born into Christianity, walked away from Christ (and even almost the very idea of God) of my own accord, and given my footing and my sight again by one of God's more blessed chilrden, C.S. Lewis very definitely delivered my mind, body, and spirit back across the distance I had transgressed.... and by his momentum, propelled me exponentially further toward God than I had ever been before. I recognized soon after "turning around" the potential for my faith to be reborn a phoenix from a dove, but it was impossible to imagine the world from the eyes of a phoenix without those flames burning across your own field of vision. Now, my sights ablaze and my vantage point granted by the wings of God, I can see just how long a journey this really was meant to be. It looks more difficult even than the hardest times I've seen behind me, but at the same time it looks easier than ever.

I don't know when I'll post again. It was just a quiet evening, too cold to run, the music set my mind to work, and here it is. I expect another, albeit smaller-scale, disappearance in the coming weeks so I can get my reading back on track. I'm going to finish The Voyage of the Dawn Treader tonight and then read Till We Have Faces. I'll be thinking of you.

With a joyful heart, a peaceful mind, and a tattered spirit, I bid you farewell. Meg says the moon is yellow in the midnight sky.

What Time is It?

This is why I love Purdue.

This..... heh.... this is something which, if the guy turns out to be onto something, will be the biggest discovery since that whole flat world theory was put to rest.

I'm in a very bad mood tonight, through no fault of yours (unless you're one person...) and I'm trying to keep myself distracted by reading geek news. It's not working. I should be freaking out excited about that second one. I'm not.

I'll try to write something substantive some time soon. Don't hold your breath, though. I have a day off tomorrow, but I'm evidently going to spend it asleep, having stayed up all night because of someone's a) stupidity or b) extreme thoughtlessness.

Boiler up!